waynepygram.com: Blurt! Nickelodeon Original Movie *REAL* Review

waynepygram.com: Blurt! Nickelodeon Original Movie *REAL* Review

I actually had a real nifty quote picked out but I can't remember it so I'll just go with "don't fart don't fart don't fart"

What is it? Well it's advertised as a Nickelodeon Original "Movie" but yeah, let's talk about that, right here, right now.It's an hour long, with commercial breaks - which means it's something akin to 44 minutes long without 'em. Now, that does fit the typical accepted definition of a "movie" (by four minutes) but still...that's kinda lame. I really don't get this somewhat unique trend Nickelodeon likes of putting out these hour-long "movies" that started back in 2015, but whatever. I understand the kiddie networks are getting hammered (see Mike's post immediately below) but still, this is ridiculous. I would say it's at least better than Disney putting the DCOM label on an obvious hour-long pilot but...Disney did that exactly once. There have been many more hour-long specials passed off as "movies" by Nickelodeon than 90-minute movies, so yeah, Nickelodeon's still worse.
Where did it air? Well if you didn't get it from my long rant immediately above...Nickelodeon.
Who stars in it? Jace Norman, the actress from Knight Squad (which aired immediately afterwards on the original broadcast), Jojo Siwa who I'm really, really tempted to just flat out claim right here, right now, that she pretty much just moved straight to Nickelodeon studios and actually lives there now, probably in the room right next to Daniella Monet's, and umm...a bunch of people I don't recognize.
Why are we reviewing this? Because I said I'd give this a *real* review if it ever does better than a C+ so...review spoiler alert.

Down in the comments where I first talked about how shitty DirecTV is (p.s. DO NOT SIGN UP FOR DIRECTV THEY SERIOUSLY SUCK, I MEAN IT, THIS IS MY OFFICIAL ANTI-ENDORSEMENT, JUST GO WITH NETFLIX LIKE EVERYBODY ELSE WITH A BRAIN IS DOING) Mike mentioned how he thought Jace was a pretty good actor. Well, it turns out, he at least kinda is. He's really good at nailing down that teen/tween angst and apathy to comedic effect that, well...Dan Schneider was really good at, really, and I can see how that two ended up being a natural pairing. I can also see how Jace was initially cast as a somewhat generic, tween heartthrob but...he also carries on the role of "everyman dude just going through puberty" really well, too. 

It's a very Jace-focused vehicle, with everybody else - the Knight Squad chick (I'll learn her name soon enough), Jojo, everyone else - really not getting all that much screen time in comparisons, so it rises and falls based on the quality of Jace's acting, and fortunately Jace is, as Mike pointed out, exactly the type of talented actor to carry it, so there you go.The jokes...I mean, I really don't know if they're legitimately cleverly written or if it's entirely Jace's delivery, but I guess at a certain point it's moot. The whole premise and gimmick...is surprisingly weak, but again Jace carries it enough that it's not much an issue. In fact, I really can't decide if the scriptwriting stands on its own or if it's all Jace.

But...I suppose in the end it doesn't matter as long as it's good, right?

Movie Grade: B-. It just barely made it but hey, I promised I'd give it an honest review if it does better than a C+ and here we are.
Movie MVP: If the review isn't clear enough, if Mike's comment doesn't make it clear enough, it's obviously Jace. Almost by default since he gets like 70% of screen time. Jojo actually comes pretty close though, if it weren't for the lopsided screentime bias.

Extra thoughts:

 - Again, I can't emphasize this enough: DO NOT SIGN UP FOR DIRECTV. I'm not kidding when I say, as a DirecTV user, I would rate my satisfaction right there at an F-. The only reason why I'm not even tacking on an extra minus there is because I think that's a distinction best reserved for rival Xfinity. There's no reason on this thing we live on called God's Green Earth why anybody would sign up for either service, not when there's Netflix and...speaking of Dan Schneider, I think it's pretty clear that the writing's on the wall that for Nickelodeon and Disney Channel...well, given its current connotation I don't want to say time's up but...not for sex abuse reasons (I'll get into that more retroactively in the Dan post) but for whatever reason the audience landscape has changed so drastically Nick and Disney Channel can't help but find themselves obsolete. Nick and Disney Channel themselves know this, hence Noggin, DisneyNOW and Disney's big annoucement of launching their own streaming service which I predict will fully replace Disney Channel...in five years or less.

 - And shoutout to Jojo because she's actually surprisingly good here in this too. She reminds me of a more likable version of Dylan from Speechless in this.
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